For the first time today my mom said
"You're almost twenty years old..."
she said it in such a way that made me realize that.... I'M ALMOST TWENTY YEARS OLD!!!!
It hadn't kicked in until now. I have only a few months left to say that i'm still a teenager. Don't get me wrong, being 20 is awesome but, sometimes, I still feel like im 15 years old. I like being naive, i like being immature sometimes, I like being silly. I guess you can still do all these things as you get older but you also have many other important things to worry about.
There's something scary about being 20. It reinforces the idea that you're already an adult, it means having to take responsability of your own actions, making desicions for yourself, being independent. For me, this is a scary yet exciting transition in my life. It's a huge step I have to take even if i don't want to because we can't stop time.
Hahaha, and thank gosh i still have a few months to get used to the idea of not beign a kid anymore!

I don't know about you, but I believe that the little things in life make all the difference in the world. I believe that the small things people do out of custom or out of courtesy can create the most special moments, those moments that you remember the most. Like someone getting out of their way to get the door for you, unexpectedly having a friend carry your book, friends that go up to a teacher with you when you have a question and don't want to go all by yourself because your teacher is intimidating, or a person getting a snack for you without you asking. For me, those little things have the biggest value.
There's also beauty in the everyday things that seem boring or monotonous. I remember I used to sit and read at this one place by my high school's auditorium whenever winter was just approaching and the weather was actually nice to sit outside. It was just a bench in front of a building, but to me it was the most beautiful and special place in my high school. A small and skinny tree was in front of that bench and when the wind would come all its leaves would move and you could hear them rustling against each other. I would close my eyes and just listen to the moving leaves while feeling the warm sunlight against my face. Those were the most special moments I had in high school.
I had another one of those very special moments today. I had lunch with my mom. Just me and her. It was the loveliest moment I had all week. I'm so busy with school that I hardly ever spend time with my family anymore. I only see my parents for about an hour or two each day so it was nice that I could spend time with my mom and tell her about what's going on in my life and just sit with her and eat and know that we are still there for each other. To anyone else this might seem like an ordinary thing but like I said, the ordinary things sometimes turn out to be the most extraordinary, loveliest, and important things in our lives.

This Is the highlight of my day today.

Read it on my favorite blog called SOULPANCAKE.

""Dude, no way,” I tell her. “It's a matter of mindset."
"What is?"
"Everything. You're smart; you're a ton of fun to be with; you're caring; you're beautiful; and you're sweet as double-chocolate ice cream in that old-school way that's hard to find nowadays. Frankly, if he doesn't like you, I'm offended. Screw that guy."

Today I had to travel by light rail for about an hour to get to downtown Phoenix. I find traveling by myself pretty scary, but the it's also a part of growing up and, in that sense I guess it is an exciting thought.

"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing."
-Jim Rohn


Every year, my parents ask me what I want for my birthday and my response is always:
i don't know.

Upon wondering on this idea, I became aware that maybe I don't how answer this question because most of the things I desire the most-"most" being the key word- are not necessarily something they can buy. This sounds incredibly absurd and cliche, I know, but it really is true.
One thing I've realized about myself is that I hardly know what I want. I'm very indecisive, i can't make up my mind. It's really hard for me to make a quick decision without regretting it a few minutes later, but regardless, there are a few things that I know want, need, and would like to experience more often.

I'd Like...I Want...I Need (no specific order of importance):

1. more rainy days in Arizona.
2. to move to Seattle
3. a boy to hold my hand unexpectedly while walking.
4. more variety and chic accessories in my closet
5. I want/need/ would like a few pounds to magically disappear in order for #4 to actually happen
6. to feel smart once again
7. someone to dedicate a love song to me
8. learn how to ice skate.
9. to be less clumsy
10. to spend more time around kids (and them actually enjoy being around me)
11. to learn how to write like my brother does
12. a person to give me a hug out of the blue because they know that hugs always cheer me up after a bad day...or even if it hasn't been a bad day. Hugs are always nice when you get them from people who mean something to you.
13. to know what falling in love feels like
14. go to a Chromeo concert
15. to meet new people
16. someone to tell me everything is going to be alright when everything tells me that it won't
17. to know that I'll make it to medical school
18. don't want to regret so many things
19. to forget the past and gain confidence
20. to go to the ocean more often
21. a pair of new flats or super comfortable shoes
22. to truly experience a sunrise or sunset
23. a new, and great looking haircut
24. to be more outgoing
25. i want to learn how to show my emotions instead of hiding them
26. to be able to actually make it clear that I like a boy instead of ignoring him because I'm afraid he'll find out that I like him.
27. my braces to come off and have a nice smile
28. to get out of the city and go to the countryside
29. i need to pay more attention to my family and show that I actually care
30. to take more risks and not over-analyze everything
31. to learn how to make great "small talk" as well as long lasting deep conversations
32. to go to a park and just lay down on the grass to look at the sky
33. to learn how to be a better person so I can be the woman I've always wanted to be

*sigh...long list isn't it?

Currently Listening To: "Melt My Heart To Stone" by Adele.

'Ello, my name is Italia A. I'm a 19 year old who is starting to question things about herself and her surroundings more than ever before .

P.S. Thanks to my brother's friend for suggesting the title of this blog. I'm eternally grateful!