Forget about A LOT of things that happened in 2009.
Paper Heart. It is a "documentary" about a girl named Charlyne Yi who believes she will never fall in love, in fact, she is not sure if love even exists. In order to find the answers to "What is love?" and "How do you know if you're in love?" she goes all over the United States and exposes different opinions on what love is. I watched this movie last night and absolutely fell in love with it. If you have a chance to see it, please do. It will not disappoint you.P.S.
If you're a Michael Cera fan, like I am, you HAVE to watch this. He is completely adorable in this film.
Adele. She's the embodiment of class. I love her, her style, her voice, absolutely everything about her. In a world where a lean physique succeeds the most, she stands out because she glorifies herself and her qualities. We should all learn to do the same.
"Stars open among the lilies.
Are you not blinded by such expressionless sirens?
This is the silence of astounded souls."
Are you not blinded by such expressionless sirens?
This is the silence of astounded souls."
_______-Sylvia Plath
"i want to start by saying that: unsaid words could have been kisses. this is a thing that's true. i also think unsaid words could have been:
____- stories about that time
____- a sigh
____- something you said instead with your eyes
____- and sometimes there are no words anyway for what might need to be (un)said
____- the dream you forgot about
____- sticking your tongue out and smiling with your eyes and laughing with your body (it is possible)
____- everything i had ever hoped to tell some.no-one all wrapped up in perfect silence
there are other things. there are always other things. like dancing. which is a thing that you do with your body. like if you shake the string hard enough and balloon starts to move around in the sky, like that, if i shake my body hard enough somewhere somehow my soul has a jiggle giggle gigue of its own."
From "The Submerged Submersible."
____- a sigh
____- something you said instead with your eyes
____- and sometimes there are no words anyway for what might need to be (un)said
____- the dream you forgot about
____- sticking your tongue out and smiling with your eyes and laughing with your body (it is possible)
____- everything i had ever hoped to tell some.no-one all wrapped up in perfect silence
there are other things. there are always other things. like dancing. which is a thing that you do with your body. like if you shake the string hard enough and balloon starts to move around in the sky, like that, if i shake my body hard enough somewhere somehow my soul has a jiggle giggle gigue of its own."
From "The Submerged Submersible."
What ever happened to writing a letter by hand and sending it though the mail?
I always thought handwritten letters were kind of awesome. I wish I had a pen-pal I could write to and anxiously await for a response.
Or at least writing notes...I could settle for nice little notes.
I always thought handwritten letters were kind of awesome. I wish I had a pen-pal I could write to and anxiously await for a response.
Or at least writing notes...I could settle for nice little notes.
The Adams family is one of the things I remember the most about my childhood. I love this movie.
Morticia and Homer are the perfect couple.
Sleep. Ahhh, that necessary bodily function that replenishes our minds. As a college student, I'm lucky if I get more than four hours of sleep each night and when I finally do hit my warm, comfortable bed, I often find myself unable to fall asleep because I keep thinking of things that happened throughout the day or the week, or because I keep wishing I could elongate the night and avoid having to face a new day filled with challenges and uncertainties.
Not only is this annoying because I really do need sleep, but also because I want to dream!!! Sometimes that is what I look forward to the most throughout the day. I just want to sleep and have dreams. I once read this quote by Dr. Seuss, it said something like "you know you you're in love when your reality is better than your dreams." Maybe because I've never have been in love that I find my dreams highly fascinating, sometimes even more than some aspects of my everyday reality.
I find my dreams amusing because I get to escape from reality and let my mind have complete control. Letting the subconscious parts of our minds take the lead once in a while is healthy, I believe. For me sleeping is more than just letting your body rest. It is more about releasing control and thinking or "dreaming" about things that would seem unconventional to think about during the day, not wrong...but unconventional according to society. Maybe this is the reason why I sometimes sleep more than twelve straight hours whenever I have the chance. For me, dreaming is my necessary bodily function I refuse to live without.
I find my dreams amusing because I get to escape from reality and let my mind have complete control. Letting the subconscious parts of our minds take the lead once in a while is healthy, I believe. For me sleeping is more than just letting your body rest. It is more about releasing control and thinking or "dreaming" about things that would seem unconventional to think about during the day, not wrong...but unconventional according to society. Maybe this is the reason why I sometimes sleep more than twelve straight hours whenever I have the chance. For me, dreaming is my necessary bodily function I refuse to live without.
I just read this a few minutes ago and it really hit me.
"When I was alone one very quiet night and I was floating around in the tub listening to myself breathe, I realized that the only person that would ever really be with me through everything in my life until the end was me. So, I decided to stop hating myself and learned how to live with myself, because nothing is worse than being stuck with someone 24 hours a day who hates you."
"When I was alone one very quiet night and I was floating around in the tub listening to myself breathe, I realized that the only person that would ever really be with me through everything in my life until the end was me. So, I decided to stop hating myself and learned how to live with myself, because nothing is worse than being stuck with someone 24 hours a day who hates you."
- Misspetula
Those people out there that say things like "I don't have a type, if I like a person I like them if i don't, then i don't" are completely lying!!! All of us have a type. Lately I've been thinking about the type of boys that I like.
I've gathered a list of a few things that appeal to me in men like, for example, thick framed glasses. Black, thick frame glasses make some guys look incredibly adorable. Wavy, dark hair. A scruffy, five o'clock shadow. Boys that dress with plaid shirts, jeans that are fitted and straight legged (not skinny jeans!), top siders or sneakers that are well taken care of, leather jackets or any type of jacket that seems warm and fitted and if they're wearing a pea coat that's even better. They also have to be taller AND older than me, with broad shoulders and back. And of course, nice, caring, open about certain issues, romantic, be able to express their feelings, someone who has manners and is a gentleman, someone who shows interest in my interests and doesn't think I'm dumb. A guy who looks like Dallas Green, David Macklovitch, Daniel Erick Gold, David Henry, Adam Samberg, Michael Cera, Josh Groban, Gil Cerezo, John Krasinski , Josuah Radin or Jason Schwartzman. See the pattern? Ha!
The last couple of weeks I've been noticing a guy that fits most of these characteristics at my school. There hasn't been a real connection with him, but in the mean time, I wish I could meet and fall for someone that looks like this guy:
JASON SCHWARTZMAN.
I've gathered a list of a few things that appeal to me in men like, for example, thick framed glasses. Black, thick frame glasses make some guys look incredibly adorable. Wavy, dark hair. A scruffy, five o'clock shadow. Boys that dress with plaid shirts, jeans that are fitted and straight legged (not skinny jeans!), top siders or sneakers that are well taken care of, leather jackets or any type of jacket that seems warm and fitted and if they're wearing a pea coat that's even better. They also have to be taller AND older than me, with broad shoulders and back. And of course, nice, caring, open about certain issues, romantic, be able to express their feelings, someone who has manners and is a gentleman, someone who shows interest in my interests and doesn't think I'm dumb. A guy who looks like Dallas Green, David Macklovitch, Daniel Erick Gold, David Henry, Adam Samberg, Michael Cera, Josh Groban, Gil Cerezo, John Krasinski , Josuah Radin or Jason Schwartzman. See the pattern? Ha!
The last couple of weeks I've been noticing a guy that fits most of these characteristics at my school. There hasn't been a real connection with him, but in the mean time, I wish I could meet and fall for someone that looks like this guy:
JASON SCHWARTZMAN.
New video from La Roux. She never ceases to impress.
"I'm not your toy." Couldn't have said it better myself!
Atonement is one of my favorite movies. It is a favorite of mine not only because it's photography is absolutely breath taking but also because I think the entire movie is based on "what if..'s". You can't help but wonder what would've happened between Cecelia and Robbie if Briony hadn't done what she did. It makes you realize that this world is filled with misunderstandings and frustrated love stories. It seems like you have to suffer before something good can reach you, and in Atonement nothing good ever did.
[Sigh]Anyway, I wanted to mention this movie because this week has been extremely hard for me. My life seems to have become so hectic all of the sudden and the weight of my responsibilities are making it almost impossible to keep moving forward. Throughout week and last I've realized that being an adult and taking charge of your own life is difficult and exhausting but, like I said in previous posts, it is a part of growing up. This week has been especially hard because I can't help to feel like no matter what I do, nothing ever comes out right. I hope this wave of wave of negativeness goes away soon or else I'll loose my mind.
I keep on wondering about tons of what ifs and I hate it. I wonder what would've happened if I had not lost my head over "things" that will seem dumb in few months from now. I can't help feeling guilty because I know I would've made life easier for me if I hadn't gone head over heels...I wouldn't have let others down either. What if I had put a little more effort into school? What if I would have decided to extract all the unnecessary components from my life that make it hard to keep my head up? What if I had realized sooner that I was falling into the wrong path? What if I had done a little better in my classes? What if i could brag about being a good student and a good person? AND THE LIST KEEPS GOING AND GOING.
Thinking about all this drains me.
This week I received really good advice from a girl I hardly know. It still amazes me how nice people are, they give so much without really knowing you. She told me that I really need to stop judging and forgive myself for anything I might have done because this is the only way to start on a clean slate and start breathing again. Her words were like medicine. Following her advice is hard, but I am determined to follow it. Ever since her advice I've decided to focus on the good stuff that happens each day. Like for example having gone to Ximena Sarinana's concert, spending time with my brother each day of my life, spending time with my parents and hugging them each morning, and having family group hugs. I love the fact that today my parents bought me my favorite snack so I could eat it as soon as I got in the car after being picked up from school, it completely made my day and erased all the crap that happened. All these little things overpower the bad ones.
So while it seems like the world will never cease to have sad love stories, or people who confuse everything for what it's not, and no matter how impossible the idea of stop living in the era of the what ifs and the self-reproach seems, it is quite necessary to learnt to get rid of all these things and negative thoughts. Why not focus on the positive things, the things that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside? It is necessary and essential, it is the only way to avoid ending up like Briony.
Kate Nash has been famous for a while now, but I just listened to her after a dear friend suggested her to me and I completely love her music, lyrics, and style!!! I've always dreamed of having an apartment like the one in this video and dressing like her.
This week began off to a really bad start. Getting yelled at by my mom. Almost failed an exam. Wasn't able to finish a lab report that's worth some significant points. Realized that sometimes friends aren't there when you need them. I guess all these things don't mix too well when you already feel like a failure.
"Today's barely Tuesday and the week is already so crappy," I thought as I was walking to my teacher's office this morning, which I then stepped out from feeling even more like an idiot. But as I was walking to class from my teacher's office something weird happened, something really unexplainable and wild.
All of the sudden, as I was walking (with head down looking at the floor), I felt like I stepped through this really warm air bubble; I stepped in it and stepped right out after only two or three steps. I am not quite sure how to explain it in such a way that makes sense...all I can say is that even though it lasted for like a second it was enough to wake me up and make me realize I had just experienced something weird.
I don't think I'll ever know what that warm "aura" was, but I would like to think it was something heavenly. Maybe...maybe not. My day did end up getting much better afterwards.
"Today's barely Tuesday and the week is already so crappy," I thought as I was walking to my teacher's office this morning, which I then stepped out from feeling even more like an idiot. But as I was walking to class from my teacher's office something weird happened, something really unexplainable and wild.
All of the sudden, as I was walking (with head down looking at the floor), I felt like I stepped through this really warm air bubble; I stepped in it and stepped right out after only two or three steps. I am not quite sure how to explain it in such a way that makes sense...all I can say is that even though it lasted for like a second it was enough to wake me up and make me realize I had just experienced something weird.
I don't think I'll ever know what that warm "aura" was, but I would like to think it was something heavenly. Maybe...maybe not. My day did end up getting much better afterwards.
What guy wears a bow-tie anymore?! Especially while performing an electro-funk show? Dave-1 from CHROMEO does!!!!! And he looks amazing while doing so. I love David Macklovitch's (a.k.a Dave-1) style. The fitted suits, the dressy shoes without socks, ray-bans, scruffy beard, kick-a** hair, the readers, and that casanova-i will rock your world-french persona!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE leather jackets, and I also love it when men wear bow-ties so you can imagine the type of heart palpitations I got when I saw Dave wearing both at the same time.
On my Christmas wishing list this year:
1. A Leather Jacket
2. Boots, bags, pump shoes
3. A LEATHER JACKET-BOW TIE WEARING DAVE LOOK-A-LIKE
heart·beat (härt'bÄt') n. A single complete pulsation of the heart; A vital force or driving impulse; An instant.
Röyksopp 'This Must Be It' from Röyksopp on Vimeo.
OUR DEEPEST FEAR
by Marianne Williamson.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
For the first time today my mom said
"You're almost twenty years old..."
she said it in such a way that made me realize that.... I'M ALMOST TWENTY YEARS OLD!!!!
It hadn't kicked in until now. I have only a few months left to say that i'm still a teenager. Don't get me wrong, being 20 is awesome but, sometimes, I still feel like im 15 years old. I like being naive, i like being immature sometimes, I like being silly. I guess you can still do all these things as you get older but you also have many other important things to worry about.
There's something scary about being 20. It reinforces the idea that you're already an adult, it means having to take responsability of your own actions, making desicions for yourself, being independent. For me, this is a scary yet exciting transition in my life. It's a huge step I have to take even if i don't want to because we can't stop time.
Hahaha, and thank gosh i still have a few months to get used to the idea of not beign a kid anymore!
"You're almost twenty years old..."
she said it in such a way that made me realize that.... I'M ALMOST TWENTY YEARS OLD!!!!
It hadn't kicked in until now. I have only a few months left to say that i'm still a teenager. Don't get me wrong, being 20 is awesome but, sometimes, I still feel like im 15 years old. I like being naive, i like being immature sometimes, I like being silly. I guess you can still do all these things as you get older but you also have many other important things to worry about.
There's something scary about being 20. It reinforces the idea that you're already an adult, it means having to take responsability of your own actions, making desicions for yourself, being independent. For me, this is a scary yet exciting transition in my life. It's a huge step I have to take even if i don't want to because we can't stop time.
Hahaha, and thank gosh i still have a few months to get used to the idea of not beign a kid anymore!
I don't know about you, but I believe that the little things in life make all the difference in the world. I believe that the small things people do out of custom or out of courtesy can create the most special moments, those moments that you remember the most. Like someone getting out of their way to get the door for you, unexpectedly having a friend carry your book, friends that go up to a teacher with you when you have a question and don't want to go all by yourself because your teacher is intimidating, or a person getting a snack for you without you asking. For me, those little things have the biggest value.
There's also beauty in the everyday things that seem boring or monotonous. I remember I used to sit and read at this one place by my high school's auditorium whenever winter was just approaching and the weather was actually nice to sit outside. It was just a bench in front of a building, but to me it was the most beautiful and special place in my high school. A small and skinny tree was in front of that bench and when the wind would come all its leaves would move and you could hear them rustling against each other. I would close my eyes and just listen to the moving leaves while feeling the warm sunlight against my face. Those were the most special moments I had in high school.
I had another one of those very special moments today. I had lunch with my mom. Just me and her. It was the loveliest moment I had all week. I'm so busy with school that I hardly ever spend time with my family anymore. I only see my parents for about an hour or two each day so it was nice that I could spend time with my mom and tell her about what's going on in my life and just sit with her and eat and know that we are still there for each other. To anyone else this might seem like an ordinary thing but like I said, the ordinary things sometimes turn out to be the most extraordinary, loveliest, and important things in our lives.
There's also beauty in the everyday things that seem boring or monotonous. I remember I used to sit and read at this one place by my high school's auditorium whenever winter was just approaching and the weather was actually nice to sit outside. It was just a bench in front of a building, but to me it was the most beautiful and special place in my high school. A small and skinny tree was in front of that bench and when the wind would come all its leaves would move and you could hear them rustling against each other. I would close my eyes and just listen to the moving leaves while feeling the warm sunlight against my face. Those were the most special moments I had in high school.
I had another one of those very special moments today. I had lunch with my mom. Just me and her. It was the loveliest moment I had all week. I'm so busy with school that I hardly ever spend time with my family anymore. I only see my parents for about an hour or two each day so it was nice that I could spend time with my mom and tell her about what's going on in my life and just sit with her and eat and know that we are still there for each other. To anyone else this might seem like an ordinary thing but like I said, the ordinary things sometimes turn out to be the most extraordinary, loveliest, and important things in our lives.
This Is the highlight of my day today.
Read it on my favorite blog called SOULPANCAKE.
"What is?"
"Everything. You're smart; you're a ton of fun to be with; you're caring; you're beautiful; and you're sweet as double-chocolate ice cream in that old-school way that's hard to find nowadays. Frankly, if he doesn't like you, I'm offended. Screw that guy."
....
Nobody's got it all. I mean it. I forget that a lot of the time. When someone young and beautiful drives by in a Porsche—or I see those kids basking in the sun, smoking cigarettes with trendy sunglasses on—I look down, frown, and walk on. What to do, right?
.....
Then I remember a discussion I had trying to establish first-date etiquette. He was horrified when I mentioned in passing that I didn't generally pay for girls during the first few dates. "Isn't it … unimpressive?" he asked. "No," I responded, "my 'value' is the content of my character. If she's there, I want it to be for that, or at least to get to know that. If she has to be impressed, I want it to be with something to do with me—not my wallet or my name being on the list. I'm fun to be with, we laugh, and the conversation's good. That's why she should be there."
.....
Our lunch continues, and my friend says, "OK, but listen, maybe I'm weak for saying this, but … is it wrong to just want someone to like you?"
"NO! That's the way it's supposed to be! You should be, and feel, liked!"
"So … how do you know? God, I'm so jaded. How does that even happen anymore? Everyone's just: blah blah sex blah sex blah sex blah."
The answer?
Dear Wonderful not(maybe sometimes)(un)average(extra)ordinary World:
Maybe we can't dance, jump, juggle, color-coordinate, Tae Bo, speak French, pick-up-chicks, fly first class to Barcelona, follow instructions, solve the time-independent Schrodinger equation for helium, lay around in the sun looking awesome in our shades. Maybe we're the most ordinary, standard, everyday-typical-vanilla-average-uninteresting guy/gal we ever met. But even still, we're the heroes of our own stories. And it's time we took it back and held our heads high and appreciated the people who appreciated us and moved on from those who don't/won't/can't.
I think it’s time to reconsider the question. "God, I'm so jaded. How does that even happen anymore? How do people like-like each other?" Because it does happen. We may be ordinary, but we're also awesome. Consider that right now, somewhere, two people are having coffee because they have plenty to say to one another and because they can laugh together. (And neither one of them is Brangelina.) It happens. All the time."
MONDAY, OCTOBER 24 2009.
I decided to document my entire day by taking pictures of places I went. It turned out to be a pretty eventful day. I saw a hummingbird from really upclose, I hadn't seen one in a while so it cheered me up. There's something about hummingbirds I really love! I then, spent about about an hour traveling by light-rail and took some pictures of an Arizona sunset, one of my favorite things. I might do this more often and see how each day is different even though they all seem to be pretty monotonous lately.
P.S. At the end of the day I saw this guy which totally reminded me of my brother because of his shoes. I think he'll look like that when he's older but a little hotter hahaha! :)
Today I had to travel by light rail for about an hour to get to downtown Phoenix. I find traveling by myself pretty scary, but the it's also a part of growing up and, in that sense I guess it is an exciting thought.
On my way back to my final destination, a family of four got on the light rail along with their bikes. The dad and mom were in their mid-thirties and the two kids couldn't have been older than ten years old. The couple seemed very young, athletic and loving. That's what I want in the future. I want to have a family that looks as perfect as theirs did. I know, I know, families are NEVER perfect, but theirs seemed to be that way.
I want to have a family like theirs, have two kids (maybe more) and take them out for rides..on a MONDAY for god's sake!!! I want them to enjoy the little things in life as well as the big ones. I aspire to have a happy ending. I aspire to know that all the troubles from early life will end at the begging of a good career, a good and stable marriage with beautiful kids and just an overall feeling of happiness.
But of course, these are all aspirations that i hope will not happen anytime in the near future or at least not until I'm done with medical school.
UPDATE:
11/18/09
About two weeks ago I went to this increadible show called STREB and to my surprise, the couple I talked about in this post was there. So...they also go to shows on a Friday night?
Extraordinary!
"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing."
-Jim Rohn
Every year, my parents ask me what I want for my birthday and my response is always:
i don't know.
Upon wondering on this idea, I became aware that maybe I don't how answer this question because most of the things I desire the most-"most" being the key word- are not necessarily something they can buy. This sounds incredibly absurd and cliche, I know, but it really is true.
One thing I've realized about myself is that I hardly know what I want. I'm very indecisive, i can't make up my mind. It's really hard for me to make a quick decision without regretting it a few minutes later, but regardless, there are a few things that I know want, need, and would like to experience more often.
I'd Like...I Want...I Need (no specific order of importance):
- more rainy days in Arizona.
- to move to Seattle
- a boy to hold my hand unexpectedly while walking.
- more variety and chic accessories in my closet
- I want/need/ would like a few pounds to magically disappear in order for #4 to actually happen
- to feel smart once again
- someone to dedicate a love song to me
- learn how to ice skate.
- to be less clumsy
- to spend more time around kids (and them actually enjoy being around me)
- to learn how to write like my brother does
- a person to give me a hug out of the blue because they know that hugs always cheer me up after a bad day...or even if it hasn't been a bad day. Hugs are always nice when you get them from people who mean something to you.
- to know what falling in love feels like
- go to a Chromeo concert
- to meet new people
- someone to tell me everything is going to be alright when everything tells me that it won't
- to know that I'll make it to medical school
- don't want to regret so many things
- to forget the past and gain confidence
- to go to the ocean more often
- a pair of new flats or super comfortable shoes
- to truly experience a sunrise or sunset
- a new, and great looking haircut
- to be more outgoing
- i want to learn how to show my emotions instead of hiding them
- to be able to actually make it clear that I like a boy instead of ignoring him because I'm afraid he'll find out that I like him.
- my braces to come off and have a nice smile
- to get out of the city and go to the countryside
- i need to pay more attention to my family and show that I actually care
- to take more risks and not over-analyze everything
- to learn how to make great "small talk" as well as long lasting deep conversations
- to go to a park and just lay down on the grass to look at the sky
- to learn how to be a better person so I can be the woman I've always wanted to be
*sigh...long list isn't it?
Currently Listening To: "Melt My Heart To Stone" by Adele.
'Ello, my name is Italia A. I'm a 19 year old who is starting to question things about herself and her surroundings more than ever before .
This blog is the result of having gotten rid of facebook, myspace, and twitter in hopes of focusing more on what's really important. Sadly, I still need a place to empty my mind of those little, sometimes insignificant, thoughts that run through my mind all day long. I am NOT a writer, nor do I intend to be one, but having a place to express yourself is fun, i think.
Whoever reads this will find that I'm complicated, yet simple. I'm a unique individual in a galaxy composed of billions if not trillions of other unique people, places and things. And even after knowing this, it is important to remember that above all, I'm just...me. In this blog you will find a little piece of what's in my mind, soul and heart...in here you will find a little piece of Italia.
P.S. Thanks to my brother's friend for suggesting the title of this blog. I'm eternally grateful!
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